Pat Kerney Likes to Drink (Explains his inability to control felonies on his property)
By andy | May 21, 2007
Despite being a Seahawk now, Pat Kerney seems to still enjoy the Atlanta Buckhead bar scene. This was from Saturday May 19, 2007 at Peachtree Tavern.
Maybe someone should tell the nice lady in the picture that, while dancing with the defensive end is all fun and good, going back to his place may not be in her best interest considering the recent allegations that a rape took place on his property.
So for all you Falcons fans out there keep this rule of thumb in mind:
Keep your dogs away from Vick’s property and your women away from Kerney’s.
Tip of the Hat: Matt P. for the pic.
Topics: NFL, Sports | 8 Comments »
“Bait Fish:” The Rodney Dangerfield of Nature
By andy | March 28, 2007
For those who’ve been able to check out the first episodes of the “Epic Mini-Series” Planet Earth on DiscoveryHD you may have noticed a trend:
God Hates “Bait Fish.”
The opening scene shows a giant whale shark just chilling in the Ocean. Next thing you know a school of what the narrator (Sigorney Weaver) calls “Bait Fish” approaches the whale shark for protection from a school of tuna.
Let’s stop there for a second. Bait fish… Bait fish… is this the real name of the species? I mean, what kind of respect are you going to get if you are a “bait fish?” You might think, hey the Clown Fish gets mocked for its name. The clown fish has it’s own Disney movie, people flock to aquariums to view clown fish with their crazy colors, and clown fish have a special mutant ability to resist the stings of sea anemones… they’re over the shit name by now I’m sure. Seriously, what’s the scientific name for the “bait fish” somebodyfucken eatus? Okay, back to the point.
So this school of bait fish is more or less hiding (like a bunch of cowards) behind a whale shark from the tuna. I guess after a few minutes of this the whale shark has had enough of protecting the “bait fish” and decides to dive deep under the ocean. Next scene: total bait fish domination. Tuna are picking this ball of bait fish apart. Now the whale shark comes back to the slaughter and Sigourney tries to make it seem as if his conscience got the best of him and he wanted to scare off the tuna and save the poor defenseless “bait fish.” Instead, the whale shark just opens its mouth and takes out half the school of bait fish.
This is bad enough, but the plight of the bait fish continues. A few scenes later and we’re following a school of a few hundred dolphins who run into another huge school of bait fish. The dolphins, intelligently (you can’t mention dolphins unless you throw in how “intelligent” they are… kinda like asians), decide to “corner” the bait fish in the open ocean… since there are no corners in the open ocean they just drive them to the surface and munch on them from below. While this is going on a flock of birds dive from the sky and eat the bait fish from above.
Sucks to be a bait fish.
Topics: TV | 1 Comment »
Observations from the Gym
By andy | March 23, 2007
- Women doing pull ups is not attractive. It’s scary, intimidating, and a little disheartening.
- “This new Fallout Boy gets me PUMPED”
- The music piped into the gym shouldn’t make you laugh. For example, this
was playing while i was trying to do some heavy lifting (heavy for me).
- Look, 45-55 year old guys, i know you have just as much right to work out at the gym as the next dues-paying member, i know that after a vigorous workout you may want a shower, and i realize that this does require you to change clothes in front of other men. HOWEVER, there is proper protocol for this. DO NOT hang out and check your BlackBerry while standing completely naked in the locker room. Here’s how it goes:
1) keep towel around waist
2) put on boxers
3) put on shirt
4) CHECK BLACKBERRY
- There is an inverse correlation between the amount of clothing a girl wears in the gym and her attractive body to face ratio. For example, a 8 body, 2 face (4:1 ratio) will, almost always, work out in a sports bra and cheerleading shorts. This is a universal fact.
Topics: Nothingness, Social Observations | 1 Comment »
The term “Gay”
By andy | March 22, 2007
It’s become more acceptable to refer to things/ people as “gay.”
Here’s a sample exchange:
“I just got a parking ticket and i was only parked there for 15 minutes!”
“Oh man, that’s totally gay.”
or
“Let’s go to another bar.”
“Na… i’m too tired.”
“Come on man, stop being so gay.”
It’s become so popular that one could easily let slip “the G word” in front of a bunch of clearly homosexual people. And that’s awkward. And awkward situations are gay.
So I propose a deal to the homosexual community. Let us use gay and you can have your homosexual marriages. It’s a win-win. You can still get offended at Fag, Butt-Pirate, Fudge Packer, Pillow biter, Queer, Queer bait, Yura, Fairy, Pixie, Homo, and all the other ones. Just let everyone use gay in the way we chose to use it… as a term for something or someone that sucks.
Hmmm… maybe it still applies.
Topics: Social Observations | 3 Comments »
Is this a cute sleeping puppy, or is it dead?
By andy | March 22, 2007
This could be the new Rorschach test:
“What do you see here?”
“A dead puppy.”
“uh huh…”
Side note: This post would’ve been done 10 minutes earlier if i knew how to spell “Rorschach.”
“\
Topics: Uncategorized | 10 Comments »
Matt Schaub to Texans
By andy | March 21, 2007
According to NFL.com Matt Schaub (the Whiter QB in Atlanta) is going to the Texans.
This is really going to tick off the red-neck/ anti-Vick population of Atlanta and it’s really going to overjoy the African American/ pro-Vick population of Atlanta.
As long as the Falcons can turn that second round pick into a WR who can catch something other than a cold or criticism, it may be a good move. Of course, the Texans will still be horrible with the extremely over-hyped Schaub now under center. Last time i checked, the Texans are still ignoring the most basic need of a football team: GOOD LINEMEN.
Credit goes to Crews for breaking this news nugget. The Nothing Blog is nothing if not timely.
Topics: NFL | 1 Comment »
Critical Acclaim
By andy | March 21, 2007
Wow, I just started this whole Blog experiment and the reviews are already coming in:
Yura (AKA Uni-bomber): Why is it that everyone feels the need to blog? When did people get the idea that anyone really wants to hear about their boring day to day life? Today I woke up. I then had the free continental breakfast. It is raining outside. It makes me feel emo. I got into the car and drove to the airport. Dropped off my rental car. Now I am sitting in a d0uchey terminal waiting for my flight. Wow. Awesome. Death to blogs. And to technology.
Kyle (AKA NYU Film school guy): Your “about” section blows. its just directions on how to set up your about section. i think im going to start a blog about how stupid your blog is. starting . . . now!
your blog is dumb
your about section is really dumb
i want photos of boobs
Brandon (AKA: the pentecostal): pretty good blog
only spoiled by the fact that i figured out it was you who was writing it.
Alright, as more glowing reviews come in, i’ll add them.
Topics: Nothingness | 7 Comments »
The People v. NBC Store
By andy | March 21, 2007
A few weeks ago i ordered my very own SEVEN FOOT TALL Dwight Schrute bobblehead famously seen on The Office.
As you may have guessed, it turned out to be SEVEN INCHES. Note to NBC: 7′ = seven feet; 7″ = seven inches.
I believe i have a case. And if the settlement of this case results in NBC delivering a seven foot bobblehead to me, so be it.
Topics: TV | No Comments »
Sandwich Debate
By andy | March 21, 2007
Let me preface this by saying I never have, nor will be, a fan of the show American Idol. That being said, it appears CBS, NBC, and ABC have raised the white flag and surrendered to the ratings powerhouse that is American Idol. Your basic Tuesday night viewing options are extremely limited because the other networks have decided to air nothing but shows aimed at geriatrics. Combine this with the fact i share a single television with a girlfriend who likes American Idol, and you can guess what i ended up doing last night.
Now, the subject of this post has to do with the commercial we saw during American Idol. In this commercial it looks like a Cow is replacing someone’s PB+J with a grilled cheese sandwich. During this commercial Julie, the girlfriend, burst out, “There’s a war going on. Grilled cheeses are taking on PB+J.”
PICK A SIDE PEOPLE.
Clearly the front runners in the “non-meat sandwich” competition, this will be a battle to the death between the sweet and nutty combination of peanut butter and jelly, and the hot grilled cheesy goodness of a grilled cheese sandwich.
YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO SIT ON THE FENCE!
So this inevitably sparked the debate: What is the best NON MEAT sandwich? Julie went with PBJ, i prefer the grilled cheese. Here’s how the debate broke down:
Grilled cheese: Hot, cheesy, buttery, crunchy bread.
PBJ: Nutty, sweet, crunchy (optional), easy to make.
I don’t think “easy to make” should be part of the argument, but it was part of Julie’s so i threw it up there. To me, people eat PB+Js when they don’t have the ability to make a grilled cheese. All things being equal, I’d think the grilled cheese wins.
Finally, we decided to expand the discussion by bringing in other NON MEAT sandwiches. The other nominees were controversial. Julie proposed the mayonnaise sandwich. Which I’ve only heard of through a trick daddy song. I discounted this as not a real sandwich. I suggested an ice-cream sandwich which she tried to throw out by saying there’s no bread. To quote Julie, “thats like saying Oreos are a form of bread.” Julie sometimes doesn’t make sense. At all.
So, i’d like to know. What IS the best NON MEAT sandwich?
Topics: TV | 13 Comments »
